Yellow Stream - A Cancer Diary

Chapter 4: Treatment Preparations

2/19/97: Another TURBT

I went into the hospital early this morning to have another TUR procedure done by Dr. Neuwirth. I was taken into the operating room about 75 minutes early, a long with Dr. Rossman's pre surgery tape! This time, I was not given the opportunity to have an epidural. Instead, I had a general anesthetic. Luckily, I did not experience any side effects from the anesthetic.

My recovery was a little uncomfortable this time, probably because of the catheter, but maybe from the anesthetic. I was rolled up into my room about noon time and immediately started drinking. I wanted to flush out the disease from my bladder as soon as possible. In between visitors, I spent the afternoon comfortably doing "mind stories", listening to tapes by Dr. Keith Block and Dr. Carl Simonton, and reading Love, Medicine and Miracles. Later that evening, E. M. and D. F., two of my favorite tennis partners, came by. It was so nice to speak with them about how I use tennis as a spiritual practice and introduce them to visualization and guided imagery.

My wife is very clever! She talked Dr. Neuwirth into letting me spend the night in the hospital, which in to normally done after a TUR. I was grateful for the overnight stay because I now have to deal with a catheter until Tuesday.

2/20/97: Home Again!

The morning in the hospital was fairly uneventful. I continued to read and listen to tapes until Dr. Neuwirth showed up. When he did, he explained that he took more tissue out of the bladder wall and left me with a very thin membrane. To help the healing, he wanted me to keep the catheter in until Tuesday. However, he didn't seem to find any more gross cancer during the TUR. Although the catheter is rather uncomfortable, I was very excited that there was no more visible tumor in my bladder! He was even telling me to "fatten up" for the chemotherapy that was going to happen in three weeks. I got the impression that he was satisfied with my decision to go with the Shipley method.

I spent the afternoon completing the "mind story" on the practice pages and submitting my URL to the various search engines. Somehow, time seems to flow so much faster now. My guess is that once you are confronted with a life-threatening illness, you value each minute a lot more. For example, when I played tennis on Monday, I thought it was very precious time, as I don't know when the next time I'll be able to play. Another example: M.'s cooking today seemed to be extra special.

2/21/97: A Day at Home

I had a fairly restful night considering that I had to take care of my own catheter! It was interesting to not to have to get up to pee! The catheter, however, kept me rather confined. It's amazing how rapidly it fills up!

I spent the day talking with visitors, speaking on the phone, and emptying my bag!

2/22/97: Practice What You Preach!

Today was an interesting day! I was feeling kind of down from hassling with the catheter. Taking a shower was a major production. I listened to tapes from Cancer As A Turning Point and read a lot in Love, Medicine and Miracles. But the turning point for me was when I decided to put everything down and create a fresh "mind story" to repair the wall of my bladder.

In this visualization, I envisioned a gap on the floor of my bladder where the cancer had been removed. Then I watched my cells construct first a bridge across the gap, and then I saw the gap fill in. The image was very real and I attribute this to an interesting episode of Nova in which a foot bridge was being constructed across a gorge through which a river ran in the country of the Inca's somewhere in modern Peru, perhaps. The interesting thing about the Nova presentation was that the whole community turned out to build the bridge, and it was made entirely of grass ropes that everyone contributed to! So here I was, bridging the gap in my bladder with new cells constructed from grass roots of a concerted effort between all of my body resources.

When I came out of the mind story, my bag was full once again, and I felt one hundred percent better.

2/23/97: A Walk by the Bay

The major event of this day was a walk by the San Francisco Bay. It was a beautiful morning and I enjoyed being outdoors. However, the catheter was a drag. I had sit for a while and take my complement of deep breaths.

Later, my sister came to visit and brought smoked salmon! What a meal!

2/24/97: Thinking Things Over

I did not feel to well today. I had to go to Dr. Neuwirth's office today for them to take a urine sample and an hour or so later, to Dr. Slattery's office to have my teeth cleaned. While neither of them was terribly unpleasant, the combination was exhausting. At the dentist's office, I experienced teeth cleaning with ultrasound. It seemed to go faster and easier. However, I chose "laughing gas" as an escape, after which I felt a bit nauseous. At home, I took a nap and started to feel better.

Having finished Love, Medicine & Miracles the night before, I started reading Cancer as a Turning Point. It became clear to me that there are several aspects to mind-body healing. First of all, there is the necessity of a positive outlook on life and your illness. Without these, there is no place to begin. On must therefore have something to look forward to and a desire to survive. According to Dr. Siegel, in his chapter on "Becoming Exceptional," Dr. Al Siebert identifies the following indicators of self-motivated growth (and I quote):

• Aimless playfulness for its own sake, like that of a happy child.
• The ability to become so deeply absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time, external events, and all your worries, often whistling, humming or talking to yourself absentmindedly.
• A child's innocent curiosity.
• An observant, nonjudgmental style.
• Willingness to look foolish, make mistakes and laugh at yourself.
• Open-minded acceptance of criticism about yourself.
• An active imagination, daydreams, mental play, and conversations with yourself.

• Empathy for other people, including opponents.
• The ability to see patterns and relationships in organizations or equipment.
• Recognition of subliminal perception or intuition as a valid source of information.
• Good timing, especially when speaking or taking an original action.
• The ability to see early clues about future developments and take appropriate action.
• Cooperative nonconformity: refusing to be controlled by improper laws or social standards, yet choosing to abide by them most of the time for the sake of others -- unless attempting to change them. In other words, and avoidance of empty gestures.
• Being comfortable in complex, confusing situations that others find bewildering and frightening.
• Keeping a positive outlook and confidence in adversity.
• The ability to absorb new, unexpected, or unpleasant experiences and be changed by them.
• A talent for serendipity: the ability to convert what others consider accidents or misfortunes to something useful.
• The feeling of getting smarter and enjoying life more as you get older.

In line with these observations, Dr. LeShan talks about his psychotherapeutic methods, which focus the healing energies on directing our lives towards the needs of our individual structure and what provides us with the maximum excitement in life, rather than the traditional questions of, "What are the symptoms? What is the hidden lesion that is causing them? What can we do about the lesion, or failing that, how can we teach the person to compensate for it?"

So really, our job as patients is to find our own true nature and not let anyone cause us to deviate from our path. This means that we have to be blatantly honest with our feelings and forget being nice, at all costs. We have to take our lives in our own hands and find out where our bliss is. We need to follow our bliss all the way to complete health and remission.

This is no small task! I requires strength and courage to confront your deepest regrets and allow them to disappear. We have to get involved so totally in our lives that we forget our illness and allow our immune system to illuminate it on its own.

2/25/97: A Day of Work

This morning, I resolved to fix some of the bugs that had been assigned to me. In doing so, there is often enough time to surf the web which programs are being compiled. During one such compile, I started looking for information on Dr. Stephen Sallan. He appeared on the ABC news cast last night to report on some remarkable achievements in the cure of cancer. I was really impressed with what he had to say, so I found his email address and fired off a message. The contents of the message was as follows:

Dear Dr. Sallan:

I watched your presentation on ABC last night and I was really impressed. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind answering a few questions. I'll be happy to phone you if that is easier if you provide your office number.

1. Could you please tell me the name of the agents you are using to achieve a cure? I was not able to write them down fast enough. I do remember that you use something that prevents cancer cells from constructing new blood vessels. Someone mentioned endostatin, but I thought it was after you spoke.
2. Have you done any tests with T2N0M0 bladder cancer? I have been diagnosed with such and plan to have Dr. Shipley's protocol beginning on March 10. I've had two TURBTs. My guess is that you know his protocol very well. If not, I'll be happy to send it to you, or you can find it on my web site (see below).
3. Does your research have anything to do with concentrated Aloe Vera or Cesium Chloride? I have heard that these naturally occurring substances have great immune building properties. Do you know anything about them?
4. Are there any trials for bladder cancer using your methods that you know of?

Thank you very much for your attention. If you have a chance, please see my web site: http://YellowStream.org. Dr. Shipley's protocol is available there.

In contemplating the removal of an organ or organs, remember that Nature does not indulge in luxuries. As Galen wrote: "Nature does nothing in vain." If it is there, there is a good reason for it. No substitute is going to be as good (Mother Nature knows best). An organ should be removed if the alternative at this time is completely unacceptable. You can always have it removed later. You can't have it put back.

1. The person exists on many levels, all of which are equally real and important. Physical, psychological, and spiritual levels are one valid way of describing the person, and none of these can be "reduced" to any of the other. To move successfully towards health, all must be treated. All must be taken care of and gardened if health is to be maintained.
2. Each person is unique. A valid program of treatment, whether it focuses primarily on nutrition, meditation, chemotherapy, or exercise must be individualized for each person. A standardized approach to a condition is not valid under this concept.
3. The patient should be part of the decision making team. Each person in a program of holistic health is given as much knowledge and authority as he or she will accept.
4. The person has self-healing abilities. Following the first three axioms helps to mobilize these abilities and bring them to the aid of the mainline medical program.

2/25/97: Down with the Tube!

My catheter was finally removed this morning with such great relief. The only bad thing about the meeting with Dr. Neuwirth was that the pathology report showed that more cancer had been resected, but this doesn't change the treatment plan. We finally got the feeling the Dr. Neuwirth was behind us all the way with using the Shipley method.

We stopped by the Pine Street Clinic to pick up a powered form of the Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs that Michael Broffman had prepared for me. Luckily, Michael was available for a brief conversation about the latest pathology report and Dr. Neuwirth's attitude. He felt strongly that it was still in my best interest to proceed with the Shipley protocol.

Later in the afternoon, I received a call from Dr. Keith Block, an internist who has put together a staff of oncologists, herbal chemists, dietitians and others who offer a combined program of chemotherapy, herbs, diet, psychological support, exercise and stress management. He is a friend of Dr. Rossman and I had placed a call to him as far back as February 9. Dr. Rossman and I had several email messages going back and forth, and finally he called back.

Dr. Block told me that he had a holistic program that attacked the cancer cells at the molecular level. He uses interveneous nutrients combined with oral agents and a detoxification program to reduce the side effects of the chemotherapy. He uses fractional dosages for optimum effectiveness combined with patient comfort. The rest of his life-affirming program consists of nutrition, exercise, supplements and stress management techniques.

I really felt confused after speaking with him, as he likes to treat patients in his facility in Evanston, IL. While it is not out of the question for me to travel to Evanston (after all, I spent three years of my life in Chicago and three years of my life in Evanston!), I would be giving up all my support systems back in the Bay Area. So after an excellent guided imagery session with Leslie Davenport, a very supportive conversation with Dr. Rossman, and a good night's sleep, I felt better about staying with the plan I already had in place.